Monday, May 01, 2006

Feeling restless

It is down to the home stretch now. I'm so close to then end of the semester I can taste it, not only can I taste it but I can see it... in the form of a massive break-out on my face. Nothing like stress to make the pores on my face want to retaliate.

Despite the large amounts of stress and looming deadlines, I feel restless. I feel unmotivated toward any type of school work, which usually isn't the case when deadlines are near. I feel the way I feel when things in my life are about to change. More than just the obvious change of moving to Colorado for a summer, but the kind of change that redefines who I am. This happens to me, more and more frequently it seems, and it's alway preceded by this restlessness and an urge to get back to my spiritual side. As if I've spent too much time caring about the dramas of life and not enough time caring about my soul.

Everything I do now seems to be under intense spiritual scrutiny. Every action I make makes my mind wonder if that action was demonstrating the type of person I want to be. And if not, what can I do in the future to change that. Because if I want to make any sort of change to this world (and if you've looked around lately, we are in desperate need of change), I must first make a change in myself.

I can tell you, it's tiring to constantly evaluate yourself, your actions, and probably most especially, your thoughts, but I can also tell you, it's extremely rewarding. I've grown so much as a direct result of this. Looking back on the person I used to be up to the person I am now, I can say with confidence that they are two different people completely. Not to say the person I was before was bad, it's just that I've seen that the decisions I used to make didn't work, so I changed my choices to what does work... or should I say did work, because now it seems, I'm about to change again. Into what, I can't really say yet, but it's exciting.

It's hard to focus on school work, which seems so inconsequential compared to soul work, but I'll get through. Only six days of classes left, one paper, one lab report, one portfolio and a couple of finals and I can really focus my attention.

As you can imagine, no knitting has been done. I'm afraid you'll have to wait for awhile longer to see any sort of stitch on this blog.

No comments: