Saturday, October 14, 2006

Thank God for Moms... and Anger

My mom in particular. What other person in the world would be willing to stay up with you on the phone at 1am while you drive down to their house because you and your boyfriend broke up? And then once you got there, would stay up with you, comforting you, until you were able to fall asleep?

Yes, you did read that right. Gabe and I broke up. I have to say, I was completely sideswiped. I had no idea he was feeling the way he was. That is to say, I had no idea the "C-word" would rear it's ugly head. Commitment that is. Had I known he was so terrified of any sort of commitment, I never would have emotionally invested myself the way I did. But on the other hand, I was given nothing but postitive cues. After all, it was he who said "I love you" on my first trip out to Colorado and it was he who invited me out there to live with him for the summer.

Until this moment, I had never truly understood just how helpful an emotion anger can be. In the right situation, namely this one, it can actually be a healthy outlet for the emotions I've been feeling. Anger, when I let it, drowns out the pain.

One thing is for sure. I'm tired of dating children who don't know what they want but who are willing to drag you along until they figure it out. Even if figuring it out means they've figured out they don't want any commitment (or in someone else's words "aren't willing to share their lives fully with someone else and just want their independence." Selfish and egotistical don't even begin to describe it). I'm tired of boys... what I want is a man.

Don't worry about me though, I will be fine. After all, I've done this before. I know how it works and I know that I will eventully heal. I will also not let this ruin the fun I plan on having at Rhinebeck.

31 comments:

BAM said...

Another good outlet....knit like a fiend! Sounds like a tough thing to go through, but on the upside...you are going to RHINEBECK!! I am sooo jealous!

Laurie said...

I'm sorry you had to go thru it but you enjoyed it while you could.

You didn't deserve that and HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!

Thank goodness for Moms, is right!

Go easy on the ice cream and buy yourself some beautiful yarn.

{{{HUGS}}}

Toni said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry to hear about that but know you'll be just fine. Knitting is good therapy--have some well-deserved fun in Rhinebeck!

Anne said...

I am outraged on your behalf! What an infantile stinker! This should not deter you from spending lots of time in Boulder, however. So glad you're going to Rhinebeck so we can shop that man right out of your hair.

emily said...

i'm sorry to hear the news--but i'm glad you had the experience (of him, and colorado, that is) and I GOT TO MEET YOU! :)

i hope the knitting and Rhinebeck are well enjoyed.

you find yourself a man-- i found mine with an age difference and i couldn't be happier-- cause he did all the stuff i disgust before i could have possibly ever have met him. hope school and work are well... and give your mama a big hug-- she did a wonderful job!

amanda cathleen said...

your right emotional anger is incredibly helpful. ((hugs)) hope to see you at Rhinebeck! Your momma sounds like she is a wonderful mom!

Venus said...

Wow. If he's too blind to see what a great catch he's not "sharing his life fully" with, you don't need him anyway. You seem like such a strong person, you'll get through. And you'll find the man you're looking for! Have fun at Rhinebeck!

Ruth said...

No great words of wisdom - I'm just sorry you're in pain, and wishing you healing, and peace of mind, and the relationship you deserve next time around. Take care of yourself.

Yarngirl said...

His Loss. You deserve better than that, you know it and you sound like you know how to take care of yourself!

Now, channel that anger and let it lead you to good yarn purchases and much knitting time!

Anita said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Like someone else said, his loss.

I've been jerked around a bit lately by a very similiar sounding child (because he certainly wasn't a man), so I know what you are going through.

Jill said...

Well, obviously you know how I feel. I love you Erin. You are one of my best friends! He's done this to you twice now, and you will move on to bigger and better things. Let's just concentrate on making friendships stronger, going to Rhinebeck, knitting lots, working lots, and getting the HELL out of school. We'll find you a nice MAN one day. No boys.. no games... Deal?

Knittripps said...

Oh, I am so sorry. What was he thinking? You deserve better. I was recently told by one of my doctors about a study that was performed once where they analyzed tears. They studied tears from people cutting onions, tears from people who laughed so hard they cryed, tears from anger, and tears from people grieving. The results? Tears from the onion group were simply saline. Tears from the laughing group contained happy chemicals. And the tears from the anger group and the grieving group were pretty much identical to each other, but different chemically from the laughing group. It is healthy and cleansing to allow yourself to feel angry or sad and cry. Hugs :)

The Crafty Weasel said...

Ohhhh!!!! I'll write more tomorrow but that is unexpected!!! It is is very important that you develop a new routine of thought and be strong - as someone put it, most of the times, it is not the person you feel the loss of, it is instead the loss of what you saw your future to be. A big hug and gazilions of strength going your way!

Katy said...

Ugh--so sorry. I'm so glad you had your mom to help you through those first terrible moments. Years ago, when the man that I was living with dumped me, I called my parents at 8 am--and they immediately packed up and drove the 3 hours to come see me. It meant the world to me.
And--I'm glad I didn't end up with that man! Or, er, boy. ;)
I hope to see you at Rhinebeck, with your chin up, wearing that gorgeous cabled sweater!

Lynne said...

Oh man! That is so horrid! What a stinker! What is up with these guys? Don't they know a good thing when they see it? I'm so sad for you.
I hope Rhinebeck was good inspite of it all.

erica said...

Woah, I'm so sorry to read about this. From personal experience, all I can say is this is an experience that you have to go through to truly appreciate the right man for you when he shows up. It really sucks now but you have friends that love you and will help you move on to great things and certainly more knitting.
Long distance hugs!

keri said...

Grr. what a jerk! I am outraged on your behalf! =)

Sending hugs your way. I believe everything happens for a reason and he just had to get out of the way for the something better that's heading your way! =)

LisaB said...

I would agree that Moms definately are the best in the entire world. They seem to know exactly what is needed in the right situations.

I am sorry to hear about the heartbreak - his actions were definately not nice.

Have fun at Rhinebeck, and don't you dare let him spoil that! Best wishes.

amy said...

Dang. Long time reader, first time poster, etc etc.

Clearly from everything I've read, you're a caring and compassionate person (and talented knitter) and probably all kinds of other good things I have no idea about. This mistake is his loss.

Cathy said...

I'm sorry to hear about you and Gabe. For some reason people have a difficult time with the idea of committment. Your're right though, it is a very childish concept.

Feel better. I'm sure knitting will also help :)

Satori said...

Oh my goodness. I couldn't believe it when I read your post. I am so sorry. I hate that you have to go through the pain you are feeling. But, you seem to me to be a fighter. One who will allow herself to feel the pain, learn from it, and go forward. This is his loss, and I'm glad he showed his real self now, before vows were taken. Be like the lotus. It grows in the worse possible conditions only to bloom one of the most beautiful flowers in the world. Lots of hugs from way down south in Georgia.

Lisa said...

eww yucky! I'm sorry :(

Alexandria Ware said...

Oh, that sucks! He's a twerp and doesn't deserve you. I hope you're feeling better (yay for moms) and have a wonderful time at Rhinebeck!

Katie said...

Erin, I can't say anything different than anyone else did, but if he doesn't know what he just lost, it's a real shame for him. I'm so sorry. I was there once (not sure how much older than you I am--I'm 34) and every time I had a break up, someone better was on the way to my doorstep. I'm glad you're staying strong. But don't worry if you just want to be sad, too. Whatever you're feeling at any given time is completely valid. Love you.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that you got sideswiped by your boyfriend (as a man myself I have to think he's crazy to leave you, but only he might know his own motives, and then again, maybe he doesn't know them either).

Affairs of the heart are never easy, and if he has done this to you twice as one of your friends posted up thread, then it really does drag it out for you. But breaking up is a process, not an event, and when time has passed you'll be fine again. From the way you present yourself on this blog you seem like a very (overused word alert) nice (end alert) person with a wholesome view of life and very positive hobbies. Not to mention that you're very attractive too.

But men mature slower than women do. I was jittery about commitment when in my mid-twenties. Lots of men are. There's no one reason, and I couldn't have explained it then either. But eventually, years later, I finally met a lovely woman (she's part of this casual group of fiber people you belong to who all read each other's blogs, which is how I got to reading these blogs too).

One never knows when, where or how one will meet the person they will ultimately stay with, but getting burned shouldn't discourage you from getting involved. If we don't invest in a relationship, we don't have any chance to have it work in any meaningful way. Not much in life is a sure thing.

For now you should just look after yourself and keep up your healthy activities. I can give you two bits of advice about men. First, you can't change them, so if you meet one and think he'd be alright if he could only change one or two things, forget about it. They won't change and you'll spend years of frustration. Second, pay attention to what he's doing, not what he's saying. If he says he loves you, but he's spending more time with "the boys" watching the game than he is with you, or other similar incongruities, then it's what he's doing that tells the tale. Talk is cheap.

Love is an activity, not a mere sentiment, and if he loves you it should affect how he lives, not just what he says.

Good luck and keep knitting. Nothing warms one quite as much as something home made by someone who cares.

Beth (big geek) said...

Holy crap! I am sorry to hear this, but I like your attitude! Go kick some ass!

What an emotional infant he is!!!!

Thanks for the anniversary wishes too, see ya at Rhinebeck!

ellie said...

I so feel your pain! And your anger! (Though it took me a lot longer to get to the anger part.) :) Glad you've got your mom there for you. Send me your address and I'll pass on some of the break up care package love I got back in January.

duchessofgravity said...

i am sorry you got the treat of that emotional roller coaster. but think if you had not lived out here this summer we would all have missed out on making a wonderful new friend so i am happy we got to meet you. and just tell me where he lives so i can TP his car! ;)

pinkladykatie said...

Just want to chime in on the bandwagon here and say
1. what a moron
2. SO glad the relationship meant you came to Colorado and we got to meet you here in the Boulder SNB.
3. Have a great time at Rhinebeck

I know you'll find someone better for you in the future.

Heather said...

I'm so sorry. But you are an amazing, pretty, smart, and awesome person - and you deserve much better than how you were treat.

Lolly said...

Erin, I am so embarrasingly far behind on your blog, and I am just now learning about this. I hope you are okay. It really sounds like you are taking the high road here, and I wish you the absolute best. You are strong, beautiful woman, and YES, you deserve better.

Take care!