Thursday, November 09, 2006

A bit of introspection never hurt anybody

I've been feeling somewhat disconnected with the blogging world recently. I think it has a lot to do with me trying to find my place here (and by here, I mean where I'm living at the moment) After the breakup I was feeling a bit lost. Lost in terms of where I am and where I'm going.

And then it hit me. For the last few years there has been this subtle (and at times, not so subtle) message as to what I need to do with my life. I've been ignoring it because it scares me, but after this last upheaval, it's staring me right in the face and I can't look away.

I need to go somewhere completely new and I need to do it on my own. Once I'm there I need to make a life for myself. The happiest I ever remember being was when I was on my own with no one to rely on but myself and with no one to worry about but me. I've been running away from that sort of life ever since because apparently I have it in my head that I'd be happier being with someone. That has not turned out to be the case.

So I've decided to apply to zoos all over the country. Wherever I'm accepted, I'm going to go.

As for the semester I still have left in school, I'm going to make the most of it, and the most of being here. In the spirit of that, I've started a knitting group. A stitch and bitch of my very own. It started with some word of mouth to see who'd be interested and the response was somewhat overwhelming. Our first meeting was on Tuesday and I ended up teaching two people to knit (my plans to spread knitting love are going along swimmingly) There was a total of four of us there. More plan on being there next week!

I don't know why I never started one before now. I suppose all my thoughts were wrapped up in a relationship I thought was going somewhere and I didn't want to get too attatched to this place knowing I'd be leaving. I don't know what made me think that because I still plan on leaving but why not make my time here at the very least bearable and maybe even fun? And perhaps leave something behind that other people can enjoy?

Anyway, enough with the deep thoughts. If you've stayed with me through all this reading, I commend you. And you get a little reward. I finished one of the socks I'm making for my grandmother.I can't even begin to tell you how much I love this sock and how perfectly it fits.... me. I'm hoping my grandmom's feet are similar enough to mine that they'll fit. There's still some room to give so I think it'll be fine. And I have to admit I totally covet this sock and want to keep it, but I can't. It was made for Grandma, it's going to Grandma!

24 comments:

ellie said...

Good for you! And good luck with the job hunting. Starting a knitting group was one of the first things I did when I moved for school and it definitely made life better.

Beth (big geek) said...

That is wonderful news! Good for you! I hope it isn't too far away.... but somewhere nice and sunny would be good too eh?

beauty socks too!

Venus said...

I love it when those deep thoughts hit. It just clears everything up doesn't it? I am very happy for you that you have given yourself direction in your life! You go girl! ANd I love how that sock has turned out. Your Grandma will love it I'm sure!

crzjane said...

The best of luck to you with everything you do. You are such a good person to start a knitting group and teaching 2 people to knit. That is really nice of you to do. I love your Grandma's socks. I'm sure she will love them.

Paper said...

Good for you! But I hope the presence of a friend or two somewhere won't rule anyplace out... and just remember that no matter what, som places are better to live in than others. (I'm sorry, but it's true. There may be great people in [places I won't name for fear of offending someone], but why not go somewhere with people you'd enjoy and have something in common with?)

lesley said...

wow you are awesome i wish i had that kind of guts! really letting the fates guide you. inspiring. good luck :)

erica said...

Those ah-ah moments really make a difference and you suddenly feel a peace. Isn't it wonderful? I wish you well in anything or anywhere you go. Remind yourself when you've moved to re-read this post, you may need it on a rough day.

The socks look lovely. It's so hard to give away favoritely knit socks but then you know the other person will really enjoy them.

Katy said...

Sometimes you have to take a risk and challenge yourself, and have a few adventures on the way. It's hard to start someplace new but you'll meet people through your job--and through knitting groups! Good luck as you figure things out.

Katie said...

Beautiful sock, Erin! And I think you're such a smart woman for your young age. Ahem. =) You're going to be successful no matter where you go.

keri said...

Good luck to you as you find your path. I think it's awesome when introspection hits like this =)

Laurie (Moo!) said...

No matter where you end up, you're going to bring joy and light to the people there!

How great to be able to pick up and find your way in the world.

The only think your Grandma will love, more than that sock, is the 2nd sock...and you for making them! LOL! Then make a pair for yourself.

Laurie (Moo!) said...

DOH! The only THING your Grandma will love...blah, blah, blah.

JessaLu said...

The sock looks great!

You're to be commended for making the first step - it's the most important one ;o)

Meg said...

first off, the sock is beautiful!

second, we don't get anywhere in life if we don't take risks. hard to grow if you aren't moving forward. even though its scary, you will feel amazing in the end!

good luck with everything, keep us posted!

amanda cathleen said...

Your Grandma is going to love her socks! They look super comfy.
I hope life takes you to the most incredible place : )

Sandra said...

Isn't it amazing how free you feel when you have one of those awakening moments and then take action on it? You will always remember that point in your life. And it's such a positive place to be in. Sounds like things are truly turning around for you.

By the way, the socks are wonderful. I've been looking for my next pair to make and those look perfect!

Ruth said...

One of the best things I ever did when I was single was to accept a residency position in Newfoundland, as culturally and geographically far away as I could go and still be in Canada. I didn't know a sould, but with a suitcase and my little red truck, I was self-sufficient and free, and completely open to adventure. It gets a lot more complicated with spouses and kids, so - absolutely go for it now!

Diana said...

Gram will love the socks. Awesome pattern.

I would hate to see you move away from the CNY area. But then again there's always the San Diego zoo.

Knittripps said...

Way to go! I can't wait to see where you end up.

jackie said...

Nice sock! Nice introspection too! It's hard to leave the comfort of the known for the unknown. But I am sure that you will do well no matter where you go.

Elinor said...

I love that color! I'm hooked on that pattern too!!

Leigh said...

Those are some very brave insights. You are to be commended! And good for you to start a knitting group. Some of the most fulfilling things I've done in life have been when I've been helping others.

And your Grandma's socks are super!

LisaB said...

Sometimes life is like those darn puzzle pictures. Some people see it right away, others take awhile before their eyes adjust to what is in front of them. I am glad you finally saw your "picture". Good luck on the job search.

Love your grandma socks. She will love them.

Anonymous said...

Introspection is good. I've got a few other thoughts on your plan as I once did much the same thing - well, what I did was a bit more radical actually. If you are interested in hearing them, drop me a line and I'll pass them on. I'm going to write this mail address backwards to prevent mail harvesting bots from getting it (I get a phenomenal amount of spam as it is); and change the -at- to a proper at sign.
ac.bnu-at-bew
It's the right address when reversed.

the semi-anonymous McGyver